Weddings , Weddings, Weddings… it’s all I can think about at the moment, at least it seems that way sometimes.
My brother in law Isidro is getting married on Saturday and the family has been very busy preparing for the event and the expected influx of relations and friends from places near and far. As in most of the World, Weddings and Funerals are events at which the extended family will get together if they possibly can.
It’s a big financial commitment for the couples, my brother and soon to be sister in laws have both borrowed as much as they can, three sisters living overseas and we have chipped in too. The total cost of perhaps $2,000 is not much for a Wedding by Western Standards but when compared to the local wages it is a lot of money here.
I suggested (Not Seriously, the family are used to my style of humour by now) we should have an Australian style BBQ after the wedding, with the Invitations saying “Bring your own everything” and explained that a good organiser of such a BBQ could expect to have far more brought than would ever be eaten or drunk and end up with a useful surplus!
That’s not the way here of course, and not to provide for all the relative and friends, however financially difficult it might be for the couple would be unthinkable and cause great loss of face.
One of the reasons, no make that the only reason, there are a lot of people in the Philippines- (the last official census showed 84 million but that was a few years ago) is most young Philippinos get married and most have plenty of children. And I should mention there are plenty of additional children born without the marriage part! Children are loved and welcomed by virtually everyone and are sure to have a wide extended family to look after and nurture them.
The Philippines is uniquely in Asia, predominately a Catholic country. The Church is central to most Philippino people’s lives .To many outside this country that may well bring to mind pictures of strict adherence to Church rules and a lot of guilt being felt by the people. The priest certainly has a lot of influence in his community but the messages I have heard given are all positive, sensible and useful ideas.
I should say that I was not brought up as a Catholic and I too had to work on changing my ideas to take into account the actual situation I have found here in the Philippines.
In fact my observations at a local level show a surprising degree of tolerance by the Church, transferred to most people in many social issues. Gay people are happily accepted into society and valued for their creativity and humour. Children born out of wedlock are accepted just as easily and there seems to be no stigma carried by an unmarried mother.
I have been to many Church weddings over the last 12 months in my capacity as resident “Fore ranger” (Foreigner) and I suspect more recently in my capacity of unpaid photographer and movie maker! This has allowed me to observe quite a few weddings close up.
I have been to a wedding where the Bride was quite obviously about to be a mother. The pretty little flower girl at the wedding I went to last Saturday was obviously the child of the couple being married. In both cases the priest was genuinely happy to marry the couples.
One wedding we went to was at the daily 6.00 am Mass, with 3 other couples being married at the same time. This is the cheapest way to marry. No charges for the Church Service, just a small government document fee. We went to a real “Wedding Breakfast” afterwards as it was still only 7.30 and we were home by 9.00! Still plenty of time to get on with the day!
I have learnt much about living a simpler life without many of the pressures of the Western World. The local people are mainly poor but they live their lives with great dignity and immensely enjoy the richness that these Weddings provide.
Of course the cost of a Wedding is a once only expense, there is no such thing as divorce in the Philippines. Now while that might be difficult to absorb if you come from a country where Divorce is available ‘on demand’ it does give much greater stability to family life. Perhaps somewhere between the “Too Easy” and “Not Possible” situation would be the best foundation for a Happy Society.
Colin and Gina in Cagayan de Weddings.
